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"The Americans Are Coming!"
By Alex Beam
Kirkus: "A mildly entertaining muddle that often relies too much on exaggeration, Mad magazine-fashion, to score its points!"

"Advanced Beam Dynamics Workshop on Effects of Errors in Accelerators, Their Diagnosis and Corrections : Corpus Christi, Tx 1991"
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Saturday, May 11, 2002

furious anger!

Here's something funny, if just a bit frightening! "The Simpsons" do "Pulp Fiction!" Eeexcellent! (via Kottke)

posted by a beam 1:38 PM
THAT BETTER BE ONE BIG DESERT ISLAND: Wouldja look at that! Crazy Dawn (Welch's name, not mine!) updates her list of Desert Island Discs! Much better. The Man in Black thanks you.
posted by a beam 12:45 PM
"IT AIN'T LIKE IT USED TO BE, BUT IT'LL DO:" Damn! Do movies get any better than this?
posted by a beam 12:16 AM
Friday, May 10, 2002
WEEKEND WITH BERNIE: Well gawrsh! I thought Bernard Weinraub had been around more than that! You'd think an LA-based entertainment writer for the By-God New York Times wouldn't palpitate quite so much about seeing MOVIE STARS! But in Sunday's Travel section he tells us star-struck yokels what overpriced, undercooked, overbooked restaurants we can go to if we wanna perhaps chance upon, say, Jackie Collins! Well, sort of. Mostly he just complains how crowded, awful or rude the restaurants are, and then ends with:
To see celebrities and movie and television stars, visitors to Los Angeles should probably skip some of the predictable places and simply go about their business. Go to the Getty Museum, go to the beach, go to Barneys New York in Beverly Hills, go jogging. I was running one morning on the path along the beach in Santa Monica. Wasn't that Tom Cruise, in sunglasses, racing right past me?
Oooh! I'm all a-tingle! But then, of course, that's followed by a handy list of said crowded, awful or rude restaurants! Where one presumes jogging is frowned upon! Thanks, Bernie!

Me? I once saw Tom Cruise in the Beverly Hills Hamburger Haven, but I played it VERY COOL.
posted by a beam 11:37 PM
JEEZ, WHAT'S THAT FLOWER YOU GOT ON? OK, Dawn, OK! I voted! Chill out, woman!

UPDATE: But thanks for making me the "Link of the Day!"
posted by a beam 3:37 PM
JUST A COUNTRY BLOGGER: Hmmm. I dunno if I want to be interviewed by someone whose desert island includes ABSOLUTELY! NO! COUNTRY! MUSIC!
posted by a beam 3:30 PM
Thursday, May 09, 2002
PAY THE PIPERS: OK, you tightwads. Time to pony up some scratch. A. Beam, being fabulously wealthy, gives you the love for free. But Our Boys are makin' their way in the wild world on their own, and they need some pesos to keep them in tacos, cheap wine and Steve Earle records. If this were Europe, they'd be on the dole, squatting in some fetid rathole, speaking incomprehensible English and looking for their next score. But this here's America. And they're out there every day analyzin' the world for your ass, so you need to do right by 'em. Maybe they'll remember ya when they're newspaper tycoons. They're too polite to do more than make the odd suggestion, so it falls to me to be the heavy. Do the right thing. Your karma will thank you, and I won't be forced to start acting like public radio during pledge week. I'll make it easy for ya.

WELCH: PayPal Amazon

LAYNE: PayPal Amazon

And if you're gonna buy something from the Amazon, go to one of the Boys' sites and click through from there, y'hear?

Now, back to the hilarity.
posted by a beam 10:25 PM
TURN THE RADIO ON: Eugene Volokh's on that NPR talk thingie right now talkin' about the right to arm bloggers, or something! If your friggin' public radio station isn't whining and begging and making bad jokes for money, anyway. Are there any bloggers yet who haven't been on the radio? Me, I did "Loveline" once, but, er, that's, well, another story.
posted by a beam 11:22 AM
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
SPIDEY'S BEEN BLOGGIN': That you, Treacher?

UPDATE: Indications are that Treacher is, indeed, Getting His Arachnid-American Superhero On! It's swingin'!
posted by a beam 8:29 PM
UNO SMART GUY: The always calm and thoughtful Eric Olsen (he's the yin to her yang) of Tres Producers fires away with "New Media In the Old Part 4!" There's learned opinion! There's insightful analysis! There's a kind mention of A. Beam! Who let that slip through?
posted by a beam 1:51 PM
DUDE! Y'ARE TOO! Tony Pierce says:
the good people at mojo radio in Toronto (640 AM "talk radio for guys") interviewed me yesterday and kept calling me "Hollywood journalist Tony Pierce." making me decide that unless you have a press pass you're not a journalist, but it was nice.
Au contraire, mi amigo! A. Beam knows many press-pass carrying "journalists." A. Beam knows all this means is that they've conned somebody into paying them to carry the thing around. A. Beam knows that every day you tell the good people more truth about living in L.A. than several pounds of L.A. Timeses.
posted by a beam 1:33 PM
TAKE IT AWAY, KEN AND MATT! Newsweek/MSNBC yahoo Jonathan Alter went to the Bloomberg News party after the White House Correspondents Dinner. Says the New York Observer:
The party, Mr. Alter said, used to have "a touch of L.A.-and [the Washington media] could feel like they were part of it.

"But now it's like L.A.," Mr. Alter said. "And in L.A., journalists are scum."

posted by a beam 10:18 AM
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
ADVANTAGE, THE REVEREND! Y'all will note that yesterday a judge said those nudie pix in Penthouse were not, in fact, Anna K., a fact pretty much nailed down by Tony Pierce last freakin' week!
posted by a beam 11:11 PM
TONY, THE INTERVIEW: The ever-hyper Dawn Olsen subjects the ever-gracious Tony Pierce to her interview style. And praise Jeebus, she appears to have cut back on the caffeine.
posted by a beam 11:00 PM
SILLY RABBIT: Cool new art at the Rabbit blog!
posted by a beam 9:04 PM
THIS BLEAT'S GOT LEGS: Best. Spider-Man. Movie. Review. Ever.
posted by a beam 12:42 AM
Monday, May 06, 2002
IT'S MY PARTY: They had a barbecue in L.A.! Blair was there! Bet they tore the roof off the suckah! But apparently, at some point, the conversational lull became so tortuously unbearable, the poor saps had to resort to talking about me! Wish I was there! (Unless I was! In which case, thanks for the meat!)
posted by a beam 1:51 AM
Sunday, May 05, 2002
BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH TONY: You like those Tony Pierce photo essay thingies? L.A. artist-blogger-dude Greg McIlvaine has some pictures behind the pictures!
posted by a beam 4:51 PM