a. beam of light in blogistan

2003-06-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

A PARTING SHOT: A journalist spy spotted this in the newsroom of a big daily: A genuine New York Times "Stringer's Handbook" tacked up to a bulletin board with the following scrawled on the front:

1. Go to site of story
2. Interview
3. Write story
4. Put Rick Bragg's byline on top of story
5. Submit

2003-06-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

SOMETHING ELSE FOR TREACHER TO DO IF HE'S BORED WITH ALL THAT NOT-COMMENTING HE'S NOT DOING: There's another one of those "hey-all-you-slacker-artists-make-an-anti-war-poster!" things sputtering along over here. Guess it makes all those unemployed graphic designers feel like that shiny G4 is good for more than housing their Rage Against the Machine mp3s.

Predictably derivative stuff, design-wise (it's hardly surprising they've got the free time) what with all the grainy I-Xeroxed-it-then-put-it-through-12-Photoshop-filters photos of Dubya, the oil derricks spouting blood and the replacing of the flag's stars with bombs/oil logos/skulls. But this one, I thought, was particularly stunning.

Christ, people! Did you trade your moral compass for that new copy of InDesign?

Update: Note two things: 1)Punctuation rules are apparently different on Planet Zarkon! 2)This was posted June 5! Way to meet a deadline, bowelhead!

Update2: Similar idiocy here. Betcha didn't know we bombed Iraq on orders of Phil Knight and a large rodent with a high-pitched voice!

2003-06-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

I KNEW I SHOULDA MADE A LEFT TURN AT INSTAPUNDIT! Looky here at this little blog map! Layne and Welch to the right of Sullivan! Who woulda thunk it? Also, LGF appears to be to the right of itself! And to the left of itself! Good job, Charles!

2003-06-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT. JUST NOT IN OUR, Y'KNOW, ACTUAL NEWSPAPER: Isn't it a bad sign when other newspapers have to start running corrections for you? Update: Also here and here! (via Sully's Bathroom by the Sea)

2003-06-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

IRONY ISN'T DEAD, IT'S JUST VERY HUNGRY: Wow, New Yorkers are even starting to eat ironically!

"We come here a lot," Leja Kress said with a nervous giggle as she, her sister and a colleague dined at Applebee's in Battery Park City before going to a movie next door.

"We like the bland overpriced food," she explained, about to order the Oriental chicken salad for $10.99. More peals of laughter from the table of hip young New Yorkers: loft in TriBeCa; Web and graphic design firm.

"This place cracks us up," Ms. Kress continued. "All the fake memorabilia. It's like trying to look like it's old, but it's only been here a year."

2003-05-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

MOTHER, MAY I SLEEP WITH TREACHER? Well, of course! But, you know, he's moved!

2003-05-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

THE OTHER BLAIR MEAT: You all already know this, but, for the record, Australia's most-loved shark has a new home!

2003-05-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

HONESTLY: I would claim that instead of emptying bottles of Spanish red, I've been traveling around, posting up a storm the past week, and then blame the absence of said posts on Blogger and its problems. But then I might end up with my face on Newsweek or Jack Shafer waxing snarky about me. And, well, we can't have that!

2003-05-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

IT'S A MAN THING: Go the Welch comments here and watch all the guys (and Seipp) jawin' about the L.A. directions! Don't they just sound like a buncha old farts? "Well, we took the 110 to LaBrea and hung a left on Vermont down to the Quickie Mart. But I'm bettin' that if we'd'a taken the 10 to the Crenshaw cutoff we'd save at least five minutes! (NOTE: Not real directions!) Oh, and you kids get offa my lawn!" And on a linguistic note, what's this tic of adding a definite article to freeway numbers? You don't get on 5 or I-5, you get on "the 5." This just a So-Cal thing? I never heard this from any S.F.-ites who smelled good enough to go near (except in Layne's filthy novel, but that may have just been the Australian translation).

2003-05-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

BUSH ATTACKED BY CRAZED TRIBBLES!

2003-05-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

WHILE WE'RE TIMES-BASHING: Times corrections, mostly shorter than Sunday's behemoth, from this amusing book:

February 18, 1989: A brief article about the visit of Prince Charles to the United States misidentified a member of a group that was to meet with him in Washington. The member was Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Jr., deputy publisher of The New York Times, not Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, the publisher.
November 7, 2000: An obituary about Robert M. Carroll, armorer at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, gave a misspelled name in some copies for the curatorship held by Stuart W. Pyhrr. He is the Arthur Ochs Sulzberger curator, not Sulzburger.
November 28, 1999: A column about a family on Roosevelt Island misidentified the river that separates the island from the East Side of Manhattan. It is the East River, not the Hudson.
March 21, 1994: It is with great chagrin that we acknowledge two or arguably three errors in our French in an editorial on the drive to purge the French language of English intrusions. The phrases should have read bete noire, heures de grande ecoute and, arguably, cris de coeur.
March 11, 1975: In yesterday's issue, The New York Times did not report on riots in Milan and the subsequent murder of the lay religious reformer Erlembald. These events took place in 1075, the year given in the dateline under the nameplate on Page 1. The Times regrets both incidents.
December 3, 2000: An interview transcript in The Times Magazine about Bernard Shaw, the CNN anchor, misspelled the brand name of the gin in a martini he savored the day after the election. It is Bombay Sapphire, named for the gemstone. (Safire, also a refreshing spirit, was the author of the column five pages later.)
July 22, 1988: Page 52 in some copies on Saturday was blank.

2003-05-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

QUESTION OF THE DAY: How long do we suppose Drudge will get to keep that banner ad?

2003-05-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

UP AGAINST THE WALL, REDNECK MOTHER: A couple weeks ago, Layne was all (justifiably!) moist about a cool web radio station that played his type of filthy redneck music. If that's your bag and you've got the DirectTV or the AT&T digital cable (or Comcast or whatever it is I'm writing all those damn checks to), check out the Americana channel on their Music Choice dealie. A recent half-hour was chock-full of alt.country goodness. In order: The Jayhawks, John Prine, Kelly Willis, Wilco, Kathleen Edwards, Dwight Yoakam and Steve Earle. Also heard today, Hiatt's "Tennessee Plates," the late-and-lamented Picketts, those lovely Canucks The Be Good Tanyas and classic first-album Lone Justice! Hell but wasn't that album was one of the best things about the '80s? Ain't it just wicked cool they can give you all this (plus the innernut and Laurie Dhue) through a tiny little wire? Whine all you want about the soulless corporations, but right this minute they're filling my house with some of the finest music there is. If they're evil, hell's gonna rock!
Update: Also, Gram Parsons!
Update2: They also put up on the screen various artist factoids. Fr'instance, did you know that Tom Russell lived in Vancouver, BC from 1971-1973? The hell? Also, Gram Parson's wife was suspicious of his relationship with Emmylou Harris.

2003-05-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

MORE LETTERMAN AND THE NEW YORK TIMES: The little gem of a picture above is from the May 13 edition of the Wahoo Gazette. And in the comments to this Layne post, Bob Hawkins remembers that Letterman did a Top Ten list a couple years back when the Times had to admit that their statement that the North Pole was melting was, er, no longer operative. So here 'tis, from Aug. 30, 2000:

Top Ten Signs The New York Times is Slipping
10. Instead of "All The News That's Fit To Print," slogan is "Stuff We Heard From A Guy Who Says His Friend Heard About It"
9. President does something on the TV show "West Wing," next day it's on front page
8. It's 108 pages, and there's not one single vowel
7. For every story, accompanying photo is Tony Danza
6. Obituary has become list of people editors wish would die
5. Dick Cheney consistently referred to as "the dude from those Wendy's commercials"
4. Notice on sports page: "All scores are approximate"
3. Only ad in job classifieds: "Wanted -- someone who knows how to put together a damn newspaper"
2. For last two weeks, edited by a disoriented Anne Heche
1. They're endorsing George W. Bush

2003-05-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

MMMMMMMM, REPTILLLLLLLLLE: Eatin' good in the neighborhood!

2003-05-13T00:55:00.000-07:00

AS THAT ONE GUY SAYS, "HEH:" Top Ten Signs Something's Wrong at The New York Times

2003-05-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TREACHER: Now accepting cash!

2003-05-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

EE! EE! EE! I plugged in an e.e. cummings poem and couldn't tell the difference:

Picasso XXIII Picasso XXIII Picasso you make us
Things which bulge:
grunting lungs pumped full of
Nothing grabbed with circular shrieking tightness
solid screams whisper. Lumberman of
sharp thick mind you make us
shrill presents always shut in the
black unbunged
Something gushes

2003-05-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

POETRY MEN: OK. While all you self-absorbed jackasses are busy plugging your own URL's into the magic poem machine (You know who you are!), I'm providing a service for humanity! For instance, Robert Fisk, Poet and Gutter of Protestors!

Going on them
members of 20,000
protested at once . Now
gutted by Robert Fisk 17 April
three weeks into the Shias are a
puppet government on
valium before his fiancee, Jessica,
in finding it.
was not supposed to believe,
it, tells the marine Division, a
curfew orders. for example,
is that Farzad Bazoft, the craters Indeed, when
I can promise them
may well
be asked of 35 ministries being placed under Saddam?
had
written by fire to
Washington or woman shouted at once .
Now another fire, because
of papers.

And his lung-buddy John Pilger starts off bold but gets himself so worked up he collapses into a quivering mass of HTML!

The war was the murder of their
children are clearly scouts ;
the victory
of the aggressor
is the corruption of the , hands of a
soldier was no regrets about opening
fire, it is for example, wtl_Tag6 wtl_TagID,146234; var SERVER= ;
var wtl_TagVer = 6;
var wtl_FWD = 0; WTL_TAG =
new Image; WTL_TAG.ID = WTL_TAG ; ID =
WTL_TAG ; new Image; WTL_TAG.
new Image; WTL_TAG.
var CARTREMOVE= ;
var CARTREMOVE= ; var wtl_Offset = 0 ;
WTL_TAG = new Image;
WTL_TAG.
new Image; WTL_TAG.

2003-05-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

TYPOS OF THE TIMES: Remember last week when we, the almighty New York Times, said so unequivocally that "at least 170,000 artifacts were carried away" from the National Museum of Iraq? Actually, it looks like it was more like, um, maybe twenty-five. Whooooops!

2003-04-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S KEN LAYNE DOING IN MY IPOD? Nice tune there, Mick. And actually fits very nicely in the ITunes library sandwiched between The Pogues' "Worms" and Kelly Willis' "Wrapped."

2003-04-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 70TH WILLIE!

Do you know why you're here?
Yes, there's great confusion on earth
And the power that is has concluded the following
Perfect man has visited earth already and his voice was heard
The voice of imperfect man must now be made manifest
And I have been selected as the most likely candidate
Yes, the time is April, and therefore you, a Taurus, must go
To be born under the same sign twice adds strength
And this strength, combined with wisdom and love, is the key

2003-04-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

JAFA: (JAF-eh) n. Slang. Term used by locals in certain Canadian ski resorts to refer to a class of people known to frequent such towns and dominate many service industry jobs. Acronym for "Just Another Fucking Australian."

2003-04-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

MUCH SCREEDY GOODNESS: If you're one of the poor souls crawling into toilets and evacuating yourself into buckets because of Lileks withdrawal, you may want to go take a gander at his political columns. I rarely see anybody link to them, but they're all online if you know where to look! And I'll give ya the love right here! Note, however, that it's a Newhouse site, and like most anything Newhouse-related on the web, it, well, sucks (no disrespect to Jarvis). So bear with me. The Lileks page is here. It's got columns up to March 26 (right on top of things, they are!) The columns since then are here, here, here and here.

2003-04-24T16:41:00.000-07:00

BLEAT ME! So I can get my daily dose of Lileks from the computer in my tastefully appointed home, but when I try from my desk at Evil Corporation Inc., I just get some damn domain hosting site. This is going to severely cramp my rigorous regime of Goofing Off On The Man's Time!

2003-04-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

MY PUCE THEORY: I think Treacher's Puce and Pucewatch! Great coup, there, ya punk! Update: Ding!

2003-04-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

AND PUCE IS ... Is this an admission of guilt?

2003-04-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

ONE MUST ADMIT, MERLE NEVER LOOKED THIS GOOD: I love the First Amendment! (via J.A.F.A.)

2003-04-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

DAWN SPAWNS! Woohoo!

2003-04-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP, BLEATMAN! Just tried to go to Lileks and got some page saying the domain expired! This would really, really suck, people! Update: The Prof sez he can still get there (sure it's not just your cache, buddy?) but e-mails to Lileks are bouncing back. Hopefully he's just down at the Target with Salam Pax! Update2: OK, he's back. But Instantman steals my joke!

2003-04-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

KEN LAYNE FOR PRINCE OF DARKNESS '04: Some of youse out there think that great Ken Layne poster over on the peacenick site is some sorta foul insult. Buddies! Am I nuts to want a poster-sized version? It's hysterical! Plus with "'Touche' said the coonass to the yat" she gives a little hat-tip to the opposition! (The artist, Melanie Goux, is a Baton Rouge native, what some Cajuns might call a "coonass;" Layne's from New Orleans, where the "yats" live; also note the "Larry Jonestowne" reference: Peace chick does her homework!). And in her blog she writes:

Finally, during the course of this project, (rules be damned) I received a small number of pro-war posters, some of which were very well done and thought provoking. Although I disagree with the sentiments expressed in these pieces, they deserve to be shown. Therefore, at some point in the near future, I will post them on a special page, to be dedicated to my favorite staunch conservative, my dear father. In spite of our differing political views, we love and admire each other very much.

So hey! Let's all have a group hug!

Update: Well Layne (damn him to, er, well, somewhere) beat me to half this by about six minutes. With the same "coonass" link even! Yikes!

Update2: Of course none of this means that Sir Pranks-A-Lot and his "sensational peace poster prank of '03" weren't brilliant!

2003-04-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

WHY YOU SHOULD GO HIT LAYNE'S TIPJAR:

"Personally, I blame everything on Ken Layne, who got me into blogging in the first place." - Dave Barry

2003-04-21T15:36:00.000-07:00

GO AS HELL PORKIE: Are teh thouhgts for you A. Beam are Puce bloger? Then wish to go as selcet here! CLICK

2003-04-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

MOORE IDIOCY FROM THE LARDASS: Buried deep in the fleshy folds of his latest screed, everybody's favorite Useless Idiot calls the Dixie Chicks' "Travelin' Soldier" an "anti-war ballad." Actually listened to the song, jackass? It's a sentimental little tune about a young soldier in Vietnam and the hometown girl who loves him. Sad, sure, but it ain't no "Masters of War." Plus which, the song is seven years old, so it's got fuck all to do with anything going on right now. And the reason it's pretty popular lately, big boy (despite the idiot country music stations), is not because it's some brave statement or because Natalie Maines shot her mouth off. It's because there are a few folks in harms way right now, and a lotta the people sitting home worrying about them are country music fans. You know, the kind of blue-collar folks you "respect" so much.

2003-04-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

THOSE WACKY FARKERS!

(via Travelling Shoes)

2003-04-15T03:12:00.000-07:00

2003-04-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

NO POOP FOR YOU! No post here, but I couldn't resist this headline! I mean, c'mon! It's germane and it's a Seinfeld reference! Synergy!

2003-04-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

MORE CRAP! And here's one created just to make fun of it! Assignment desk: How does this Faster Filing thing or whatever it is apply to the use of the excretory process for political gain? And how does it relate to welfare reform and the flash new Acuras? Take it away, Mickey!

2003-04-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

AWWW. LOOK AT THE BABY! Here's a blog devoted to the Poop for Peace thing! Apparently "written" by an infant! Lovely. Upside: So, if people are now channeling these sorts of creative writing urges into their blogs, does that mean I'll start getting fewer annual Christmas letters "written" by various family dogs around the country?

2003-04-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

A MOVEMENT WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND: Well here's a reason to get out of bed tomorrow!

2003-04-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

LOOTERS! I HATE THOSE GUYS! Much anguished keening in the comments to this post about the sacking of that Iraqi museum (sounds like some people are taking sick days!). But the best part (other than all the Treacher-content!) is this from Kevin Parrott:

What really makes me cry is thinking of the The Ark of the Covenant wasting away in that government warehouse forever, after Indiana Jones worked so hard to find it.

"Wo ist Jones" when you need him! (via Treacher)

2003-04-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

OK, NO IT'S NOT. There's a war on, people! Or haven't you been listening to the BBC? Howell Raines isn't taking a week off!

2003-04-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

INSERT CUTE BUNNY PICTURE: I'm taking a breather this week. After round-the-clock blogging and donation-counting since the new year, it's time for a break.

2003-04-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

TOO MUCH ROAST BEEF? Oh man the sentence structure and punctuation of the Ken Layne blog is beginning to be affected by the reading of much Achewood I believe

2003-04-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

DEMOCRACY! WHISKEY! KISSING THE SOLDIERS! Is this dude the happiest guy in Baghdad or what?

2003-04-08T16:16:00.000-07:00

GET NAKED FOR WAR! A borderline not-safe-for-work link for the ladies!

2003-04-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

SUPPORT OUR FLAMINGOS OVERSEAS!

2003-04-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

GIVE PREACH A CHANCE: Buncha anti-war songs available for download over at Salon. A whole half-hour of self-righteousness for your ass! And no deep insight to clutter your little brain! Apparently, it's all about Florida. Who knew! Oh, also OOOOOIIIIIIILLLLLLL! Guess that's easier to rhyme than "multilateralism." (Nobody went for "Iraq/Chirac" though! That's a gimme!) (The Beastie Boys do try "America/hysterica.") And Johnny Cougar seems to think the only reason we decided to have that pesky 2000 election was Clinton's little hummer!

Eight years of peace and prosperity
Scandal in the White House
An election is what we need.

Stupid Constitution!

2003-04-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

DO YOU NEED YOUR STEENKING MADGE? The all-seeing Rabbitblog has dug up Madonna's new video! And if you're up for jumping through Salon's hoops, you can read about it and watch it here.

2003-04-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

A NOT-SO-LARGE AMERICAN PENIS: Kevin, our Navy man in Iraq (fresh from a Time magazine appearance!), finds a 20/20 guy's camera in Umm Qasr, takes a little tour through the memory card and gets an eyeful!

2003-04-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

EXCUSES, EXCUSES: I know. You're asking: "Other than being fired for revealing the strategic placement of Aaron Brown's hair replacement
installations and hustled at gunpoint onto the midnight bus to Amman, what the hell have you been doing the last five months?"

Well, here's a theory:

* A trip to the capital of the cheese-eaters. (Here, not here)

* Posed a question of the nuptial variety in a big, old, tall building.

* Sold old, small house.

* Bought new, big house way up in the west hills.

* Had the nuptial event.

* Repaired to the slopes.

* Friggin' war.

Of course, it's equally possible I've been in rehab. Or simply had nothing remotely interesting to say for five months!

2003-04-02T23:50:00.000-08:00

MEA MAXIMA CULPA. AGAIN: Cathy Seipp remembers my muse Alex Beam! She also remembers, for all to see, my glorious screwup on my first day on the job! Which was on the net for what, an hour? But I deserve it! And anyone who can take apart Her Dowdness like this (right in The Dowd's yard, even!) can punish me anytime!

2003-04-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

PAGE LINK: Page e-mails from the end of the internet to complain about the lack of linky-love. She also claims to be better looking than Treacher. Oooh! Pretty gusty claim for an anonyblogger!

2003-04-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

STEPPED ON BY THE MAN: The bastards just fired Matt Moore. Go buy him a beer.

2003-04-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

I DUNNO ABOUT YOU, BUT ARMAGEDDON A LITTLE CREEPED OUT: Lord have mercy, is that actually a hunk of straw in Welch's mouth?

2003-04-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

JIM TREACHER LINKS TO ME, AND I LIKE THAT: Wow! A Treacher-link is worth quite a bit these days! Y'all gots good taste!

2003-04-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

TV BLOGGIN': Hey! Turn on CNN! Prof. Instant's yakking with Aaron Brown! There was Blair content! UPDATE: Emmanuelle's got vidcaps!

2003-04-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

WASN'T THAT WHOLE BLOOGLE THING SUPPOSED TO FIX THIS? Well isn't this just the way? I crawl out of my cave just as somebody breaks Blogger.

2003-04-01T11:13:00.000-08:00

THE IMPERIALISTIC EXPANSION OF THE A. BEAM HEGEMONY: I am pleased to see that Cathy Seipp (who is IN NO WAY MARRIED TO MICKEY KAUS), has bowed to my wishes.

2003-04-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

THE APRIL FOOL'S RETURN: Well, since I've been kicked out of Iraq and fired by the network (not to mention the wailing from Blair), maybe I should get back to this blog thing!

2002-10-31T18:54:00.000-08:00

MEMO TO ALL YOU CRANKY CALIFORNIANS: Just write in Tony Pierce, and be done with it, fer chrissakes! Maybe he'll get enough votes that the dumbass LA Times will hire him and you'll have more entertaining things to read about for the next four years!

2002-10-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

FORGET ALL ABOUT THAT HACKING SHIT AND LEARN HOW TO PLAY GUITAR: Tony has a message for the Blogger hackers.

2002-10-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

ANDY SLEEPIN' WITH THE FISHES? According to my calculations, either Sully has monkeyed with his Blogger time-stamp to make it look like he's staying up later than he is, or he's now posting from somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic! Or perhaps Brazil!

2002-10-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

AND HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 104! The Reverend turns 109 today! Happy birthday Mr. Tony!

2002-10-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

OK, I'M DONE: The city is all yours, Mr. Blair. The gin index is down a bit, but your reputation is intact! Even enhanced! The bartender at Sevilla, the bar dogs at Chumley's and the homeless guy at 72nd and Central Park West breathlessly await your arrival!

2002-10-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

"THEY'VE GOT CARS BIG AS BARS/THEY'VE GOT RIVERS OF GOLD" I must now take a short break from my grueling schedule of intermittent blogging. It has come to my attention that there are numerous fine drinking establishments on the Isle of Manhattan which have gone nearly an entire year without serving me a drink! THIS SHALL NOT STAND! (Plus, I need to get there before Blair sucks the town dry!) Della! Get me on the next flight to Newark!

2002-10-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

BREAKING AWAY FROM THE COMMENTS PAGE: Hey! Check out my blogkid! Back in July I told Roger Bournival that he needed to stop limiting his venting to LGF's comments page and get himself a blog! So he did! With a great name and everything!

2002-10-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

GIVING BLOGGER THE BIG "UP YOURS": Dawn Olsen, of whom I apparently possess naked pictures (Really! She says so! I'd better search the hard drive!) has moved!

2002-10-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

'THE BIG DICK' AND A BIGGER A-HOLE: A big ol' fat, rotten raspberry to RJ Smith of LA Magazine for snidely referring to Layne and Welch as "college dropouts." Apparently your fancy education doesn't keep you from writing a hackneyed lead (Keep his chess reference in mind, folks, it'll come back around! It's in The Formula!) or using phony words like "strategize!" And what the hell does it mean to have an "abstracted" look on one's face? Something like this? Also a bonus berry for calling blogs a "reckless" use of the First Amendment!

2002-09-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

BUT WHAT WILL THE GENTLEMEN PREFER? According to the Beeb, blondes will 'die out in 200 years!' Does the federal government know about this? I think some endagered species funding is in order! (via My (Blonde) Girlfriend)

2002-09-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

FIRST HITCHENS, NOW THIS? Someone came to this here blog today 'cause it's the No. 1 Google hit for "Pollitt+boyfriend+breakup!" Interesting! Maybe he wanted to buy a flag.

2002-09-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL FREAKIN' DAY:
As I walked out one morning fair
Heave away, Haul away
'Twas there I met Mr Timmy Blair
We're bound for South Australia

There's just one thing that's on my mind
Heave away, Haul away
That's leaving Timmy Blair behind
We're bound for South Australia

2002-09-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

ON THE BEACH: Tony Pierce is on vacation in Aruba and yet he's still posting for your ass! So if you have even the smallest care for your karma, you'll go read it now!

2002-09-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

"HE'S 'SINGING,' JIM!" In what's doubtless a big-ass violation of the Prime Directive and several galactic copyright accords, Matt Haughey has posted a couple mp3s from the legendary Leonard Nimoy album "Highly Illogical!" Scotty-Bob says check it out!

2002-09-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! MYYYYYYYY EEEEYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!

2002-09-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

ANGELS IN HIS ARCHITECTURE? OK, this is just a hunch, and I may be wrong, but I'm getting a slight vibe that Welch just might be an Angels fan!

2002-09-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

THINGS I KNOW TODAY:
Dawn is sorry!
Eric is in Salon!
Lileks and Layne are very, very funny!
The Reverend is a genius!
Billy Joel needs to read more Treacher!

2002-09-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

IRONY SUPPLEMENT: Neal Pollack has a blog. Also not Sullivan-approved! And be careful! Not only is irony not dead, Pollack seems to have been hoarding great, huge vats of it in his basement! Don't drown in it!

2002-09-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER INTEL FAILURE BY THE DEPARTMENT OF DISSENT CRUSHING: Steve Earle's new record (out Sept. 24) is quite overtly political. And not in an Andrew Sullivan-approved manner! There's an interview about it here, and some RealAudio song snippets and interviews here.

2002-09-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

ZEVON: Instant is right. This sucks. Today's LAT has a nice article, and Eric Olsen, Dawn Olsen, Ken Layne and Jim Henley have some good words, too. You can send Warren good thoughts here.

2002-09-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

2002-09-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

I GUESS I'M A BIT BEHIND: Seems to be all the rage lately to post a picture of your ass. Apparently, it'll even get you an Instantlink™! So hows about it, Glenn?

2002-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

"SHOPPING FOR A PAIR OF SHOES, SHOPPING FOR A HAT" Over at Welch's, in the comments of this post, somebody brought up the damn hat again. You know, this one:

Well, Welch allowed as maybe it was time for a new one. Let's look at some options!

"I am zee commissaire de la revolution bloggeur! Bring me zee head de Noam Chomsky!"

Well, maybe if he wants to get a date with Richard Gere.

"You can have my girl, but don't touch my hat."

Great for Weapons of Mass Destruction Day at the ballpark!

Two for one! On the left, understated yet stylish, we have one just perfect for the imparting of collective absolution after those wild LA parties! And on the right, a prime specimen for those lovely evenings crying silently by the side of the 5 while watching people throwing trash out of their cars!

Not really, I just thought it was so cool that this was Bill Monroe's hat!

Just a little too "Texas," I think.

Some of us filthy Yankees fans might like to see this. But you know those ruthless Anaheim street gangs! Hard to blog after a guy in a Goofy suit breaks your fingers.

This jaunty little number says both "I'm prepared" and "Golly, I'm sure going to get my ass kicked after school today!" Also has the marital advantage of a certain Frenchiness!

And my favorite...

Hey, pal! If it's good enough for Zevon...!

2002-08-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

HOW DOES YAHOO KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME? To the astute reader who got here on a search for "glorious, beautiful, muscular men," well, gosh, I'm flattered!

2002-08-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

TALK TO THE BLOGGER: Hey, journalism junkies, the Media Minder now has comments! So go give him a piece of your Mind(er)!

2002-08-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

ASK THE DAMN QUESTION! Speaking of NPR, to all you "journalists" hosting "talk shows," the next time some waterhead calls and moans about when we're going to have a "real conversation" examining how "our actions" led to the terrorist attacks, please, think back to that expensive journalism education daddy paid for and ask them whether they've been living under a rock since, oh, about NOON ON SEPT. 11! Personally, I cannot engage in my favorite pastime of swinging dead cats without smacking some hippie yahoo having a "real conversation" about just that! And believe me, there's no worse way to waste a dead cat!

2002-08-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

THANKS FOR THE GUMBALL, MICKEY! The folks at that LA-blogger-friendly On the Media NPR show yakked with Slate problogger Mickey Kaus last weekend about the By-God New York Times and their little Iraq problem. If, like this man, you have the technology, you can listen here. If you're still accessing the net using stone knives and bear skins, you can read it here.

2002-08-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

YOU THINK YOUR HOBBY'S WEIRD? I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "This sure is a weird old world, and there are some strange cats in it. But NO WAY is there someone out there whose goal is to visit EVERY STARBUCKS ON THE PLANET and is damned close to actually pulling it off!" Well, you'd be wrong!

2002-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

BLEATIN' ABOUT BLOGGIN' If you're not a Minneapolitan (or whatever you gophers call yer damn selves), missed that radio show Lileks was on last week and wanna hear the voice behind the genius behind the Bleat, give this a listen.

2002-08-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

KEN! WHAT'S A SWEETHEART LIKE YOU DOIN' IN A DUMP LIKE THIS? If you had the patience to wade through Alterman's acres of tediously fawning fan mail (or the tediously vicious hate mail or the tediously fawning responses to the tediously vicious hate mail), you'd find one Ken Layne, who, in response to Alterman saying: "Dylan plays at such an emotional distance from his music, it’s hard to figure out why he does this endless tour," writes:

Dylan does the endless tour because that’s his job. He puts on the suit and string tie and hat and goes out there every night because music men used to do that kind of thing.

Playing music really is a job, if you’re serious about it. You do county fairs, arenas, night clubs, whatever’s on the schedule. When it’s over, you get a bottle and watch the news in the hotel room and maybe eat a hamburger.

Dylan is looking at a career path unknown to most modern musicians. He is following Ray Charles and James Brown and Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson. He’s doing his work. Give him credit for that.

2002-08-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

OK, OK, I'M UP: Did I miss anything? Tony's still cool, Dawn's still an exhibitionist, and Wednesday's still Lemur Day? Well, thank Jeebus for that.

2002-08-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT! Awwwww, mom! It can't be late August already! I don't wanna get up and go to work!

2002-08-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

HE'S NOT DEAD YET, JIM! Many thanks to Treacher and Layne for resurrecting my fevered adolescent fantasies!

2002-08-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

NO MORE EXCUSES FOR FORGETTING THAT ANNIVERSARY CARD, BUSTER! Wouldya look at that? Eric's birthday falls on Adam's nuptial day! It's kismet, I say!

2002-08-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

"BIG, HAIR-FELT, SLOPPY BIRTHDAY KISSES TO MY BESTEST PAL, ERIC OLSEN!"

2002-08-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

OR SHOULD I BE ASKING DAWN? So everyone's favorite Producer has this brilliant Free Music and Books for Bloggers thing cookin'. 'Course, my question (and probably his and his) is WHERE'S THE FREE PORN??

2002-08-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

A BLOGGY DAY IN LONDON TOWN: In today's Daily Telegraph, Mark Steyn channels Blair!

... (A)n estimated 10,000 Palestinians whooped it up in the streets of Gaza, celebrating their glorious victory on the battlefield of the university's Frank Sinatra Centre. Those Palestinians hipsters won't dance to Frank - no Songs For Swingin' Lovers in Gaza - but give 'em some Songs for 'Splodin' Losers and you've got a capacity crowd ready to cheer all the old favourites: Come Die With Me, I've Got Jews Under My Skin, I've Got The World On A Fuse, all the hits.

William Quick also makes an appearance!

2002-08-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

HAPPY WELCHIN' BIRTHDAY! Well, I fletchin' missed that fletchin' yesterday was Welch's fletchin' birthday! What a fletchin' cretin I am! Rave on, Matt!

2002-08-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

BLOGGER LOSES ANOTHER ONE: The Last Page chick has moved! Adjust yourselves accordingly.

2002-08-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

"HAMAS, DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE SHRAPNEL!" If the newspapers of the planet are too stupid to hire Blair and pay him large, comfortable piles of money, some enterprising Nashville sort should! Somebody call Willie!